15 July, Sunday
I had the individual meeting with dan and Cheryl today at the church playground before stac rnj. It was like oral, cos I kept getting stumped by the questions, as usual. They asked me stuff like, what do u expect out of this stac rnj thing (said friendship. And dan said definitely u can expect that) and how were things during the camp, etc. At the last part, or ending parts, dan was like saying how being quiet is ur own personality (cos I said I was too quiet during the camp) and how he thinks that, from his personal perspective, I enjoy my own company and need my own personal space. At that point I felt like correcting him that I do in fact like company! But only good company where I can be myself. I don’t think I like to be alone THAT much. Strangely though, after the talk, I felt a surge in confidence and a sense of contentment with who I am. I think it was because of what Dan said… it made me feel that hey, seems like people don’t really mind and I’m just being me and it really made me lighter. Haha ridiculous as it sounds, I think I had that bouncyness in my step afterward.

Junior cats today was quite fun! Considering the fact that it was planned by Antony , good ol big bellied Antony. Haha shows how much faith I have in his abilities. Surprisingly he’s quite tuned in. Ok so I gotta give him credit for that.

We started off with the short prayer session that rach and jo prepared. They played a song and we just sat there listening to it in the darkness. After that we were supposed to write our prayers on paper and fold it and place it at the foot of the crucifix. This time, I wrote really freely and everything just came to me smoothly and quickly…. Very unlike other times. And I almost wanted to be the first to go up to place my piece of paper. Even though I didn’t think that the prayer session was useful (p asked for a show of hands who thought we brought sth away from it, like a msg or whatever and I didn’t raise my hand until everyone did. Peer pressure.) afterwards I realize that it had more effect on me than I had known. I realized during mass how I was finally able to, after many weeks (or maybe months) focus my attention back to Jesus and feel that spiritual connection again. Whatever I wrote on that piece of paper unburdened me a whole lot and I believe that God had a hand in it too. It feels good to be welcomed home. Oh and the song lyrics were really meaningful.. especially a few lines. Something about how we’re only a vapour in the air (can only rmb this line). Its about how frail our lives are on earth, that we are here today, gone tomorrow, just one speck in all of time. And yet the world goes on.

After the prayer session Antony asked us to write 4 facts about ourselves, one of which is a lie and we were supp to go around guessing people’s lies and gaining points. My 4 ‘facts’:
1)I don’t know how to swim
2)I can play the guitar
3)I was in drama club in primary sch
4)I can’t do mental sums

Most people guessed correctly on the 2nd try. There were the rare goondus though haha.

The activity was very very useful in breaking the ice between us I think! Cos our next activity was to reaffirm each person of what we know of them during the 6 months we’ve spent together. Basically we got a piece of A4 paper each and wrote our names on it , then we passed it in a clockwise direction in our circle, so that we got to write on everyone’s paper. And we had to fold the stuff we wrote before we passed it to the next person, like folding into a fan (the end result). I loved writing the affirmations, just that I think I kept using the same words. There were only some people, whose qualities really strike me, where I wrote something nicer and more specific. But I did do my best to write the nicest of stuff for everyone and give them a slice of happiness too. Haha. I tried. The only thing was that my bladder was bursting and I had to control myself till the end cos I didn’t want to leave halfway and create traffic jam in the papers passed to me.

Hmmm.. my good mood sort of wore off during mass though, when I spotted bran negotiating through the pews to get to us. I don’t think I really want to see him. I don’t miss him or anything, not at all. He’s just some dark memory I’ve put away for now. Hf mentioned that I made him sound like a dementor. Yeah, he was wearing black.

I wouldn’t say my day was exactly that great. It was good I guess. At least in the beginning. I didn’t really believe what some people wrote for my affirmation, but who knows haha. It’s a wonder how people can be so generous with words, and that’s a compliment. It really makes people feel good. Somehow I can’t. Too selfish I guess haha. Plus I felt slightly angry that bran just left with some of the rnj cats first for lunch. Left without saying BYE (not a word!) to the people who weren’t going. there were a few. Fine. Oh yeah and here’s a weird excerpt of an ‘affirmation’ I got from some joker:

You are determined and focused.
You are able to hold your group (meaning the grp I faciled during camp) together
Your work rate is high.

Wth?
Work rate is high?!
Sounds straight out of some online quiz that u paste in blogs.
Haha nvm. I think I know who it is.
Really inappropriate though. Hahaha the affirmations weren’t all like that.

Anyway, seems like others had a great day too. Judging their msn nicks… the affirmation thing really works wonders.


MATH

Equation of the day:
Happy=confidence + fun


Post note : oh yeah, at one pt during the meeting thingy dan also asked if I thought i made an effort during the camp. I said yes and he asked was there anything I did to reach out to the teens (cos I said tt I didn’t really connect w them much). I told him about how I tried to talk to this girl during dinner who was alone and didn’t have anyone to talk to. And dan said that that is a gift. Because I’m quiet and introverted, I’m able to empathise with such people or ppl in such situations. Hmmm… very true. I think my weakness is also sort of a strength. In that it makes me want to reach out to others too.


Another thing, there's this japanese restaurant at paragon that sells really nice jap desserts!! i had green tea tofu with vanilla ice cream, red bean, small pieces of fruit and fried soba!! the green tea tofu has a smooth, pudding-like texture and when you bite into it the mild taste of green tea leaves subtley diffuses throughout your mouth! it's especially nice when eaten together with the ice cream to give the unsweetened greentea tofu some sweetness. so nice... must go back there one day to eat. price of desserts range from 4to8bucks. wahaa, but its really special. hahaha.

and i'm dead tmr. lit presentation!!! 50marks!!! oh gawd. my brain's sleeping.

I'm looking forward to watching hp tmr. but school comes first, literally.