I am so super depressed. there is 2 weeks of holidays left before i have to go back to school. SCHOOL. i thought it ended in november.
And the happy, +ve effect of camp has worn off and i feel unhappy with myself again. AHH... so siannnn. omgomgomg. And christmas is like approaching really fast. i do like christmas normally but this year i am not looking forward to it.
Firstly, because my cat class has a christmas party at MY house. My mum is arranging everything but i'm worried because i'm afraid they'll not like it or what. plus, i'm the quietest person in class and no one knows me and i somehow feel like they were obliged to make it to the party because i suggested it to be at my house. i mean, i bet they'd feel uncomfortable? or maybe not, because they have their own friends. 19 ppl, including me are coming for the party. which is almost the whole class i think. plus, i have that queasy feeling whenever i think about it. i'm no social animal. -inhales-
Secondly, i know what all my presents are going to be already. what got fun like that!??! where's the childish anticipation of waiting for 12mn before tearing apart wrapping paper? :( my cousin went out with me and we basically got the presents for me from her mum, her sis and herself already. (mraz's cd, nail polish in a ghostly shade of green and copper-ish shimmer, adidas deo) SIAN, i already know half my presents. plus the biggest present of all christmas-es, which is from my mum(or mum and dad), i also know. A terrarium! very nice though! really like it. I'm just worried about someone breaking it for me cos its made of glass. But, STILL, super duper boringggggggg.... i'm going to repeat again. I KNOW HALF MY PRESENTS. and i probably know all too. my uncle is going to give me book voucher. he didn't say, but that's what he's been giving me for the past few years ever since he decided i wasn't a kid anymore and don't have anything to do with toys! super boring i tell u. sorry for sounding unappreciative, but i haven't even used the book voucher he gave me last christmas yet. And i know what my grandparents are giving me because they already did.. ang pow. ok lah, i mean, well, i think its fitting for them to give me ang pow cos they're both so elderly already so its fine and i shouldnt be an ingrate cos they are nice to me. :) WELL. that's about it. oh and my auntie from my dad's side will give me ang pow too i think? As for friends, i only have 4 or 5 ppl whom i think would give me presents. bleah. I KNOW MY PRESENTS ALREADY. ARGHhhh... no more fun. :(
Thirdly, i haven't gone shopping (REAL shopping) with my mum for christmas clothes yet. my wardrobe needs a bloody urgent revamp.
Lastly, someone is going on holiday and we have so little time left before JC starts and we go separate ways. okay, maybe not so separate but definitely more apart and we won't have that much time together alr! plus i'm still unsure about the whole thing. and jnrcts doesn't allow that. how? there seems to be trouble up ahead. and if time together is cut short, then we won't be strong enough.
ahh, i know i'm being slightly ridiculous (or insecure, whatever i may be called) but what? 3 days is a lot in 14 days. ok, ROUGHLY 14 days.
-inhales- omg, BLOODY ORIENTATION. X/
And time is moving too fast. i was supposed to get fitter during the hols! walau. havent even started any exercise yet.
nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.....
Once christmas is over (i consider christmas to be midnight mass), its like, haaaang ovverrrr. that super sian feeling, like you know that the biggest event in the festive part of the year is OVER. like a big resounding over. and there is only the loom of school to look forward to. heh, look forward indeed.
i know some ppl feel that JC will be like,a turning point where you get a chance to renovate yourself, your reputation and get a new shot at popularity after unsatisfactory secondary school life. its like you feel you have the power to control things, to make yourself better, surround yourself with desirable friends, become the person you always wanted to be and study harder and smarter than you did in sec school. that, IS, true in a way. only if you try with all your might.
On another note, a cat classmate of mine made me angry last night on msn. freaking irritating. i wish i can breathe fire on him. jeez. the world (or i?) owe you a living? ...... okayokay, must not be so bad.
i really like christmas i really really do. but i feel empty right now. like, everything is gone. festive spirit. positivity. i dunno.
super sian lah.
2007 is a big year, methinks. i just don't want it to come so early. but well, i can't change the rate of spinning of the earth or its travel around the sun. I must be POSITIVE (+ve). i must i must i must. i have to inject the right (+ve, come what may, happy go lucky, fearless) attitude into me.
Things to get :-journal (with a lock because there are spies in my house) spies rhyme with pies. :D no, i'm not hungry, i just ate up Mr and Mrs Gingerbread-good attitude-haircut (long hair or short hair? hmmmm)-x'mas clothes-bicycle-self-assuredness (its amazing how she's sooooo selff-assurrreddddd!! -mraz :D)i shall update when i think of more. i'm sure there are.
