Today being Sunday and as usual, I had mass with the class.. and as usual again, i was the latest. The funny thing is that so many people were wearing black today. me included.

My friend beside me started crying midway during mass... she told me yesterday that her hamster, Hampy Boo Boo died suddenly... i didn't really know how to comfort her but yeah... I think its actually better to cry it all out, than to keep the pain inside. and greg! that unfeeling idiot...... during combined class later asked her why she had cried. She told him its because her hamster died. and what did he say? "you cried because your hamster died?! I thought u were touched. -pause- just let go lah. haha." he was giving that incredulous look.. seriously, if i can reverse the clock, i'd have told him off for being so insensitive! I mean, yeah if he doesn't think its any issue at all , fine. But to someone else, that non-issue IS a BIG thing. and who are u to decide whether or not she should be upset over her hamster's death or not? I remember i was quite mad in p5 at my friend's apparent lack of compassion when i told her that my guinea pig had died that morning. how did she react? she laughed. plain out hysterical laughter. and nothing more. RIGHT. maybe that sounded like food for her laughing bone but at least consider your friend's feelings right? ur feelings/opinion don't equal to everybody else's. simple words and actions can have a wide spectrum of effect.


anyway, we had combined class in the attic.. the reps from the different youth groups came out to share with us more about their respective youth groups and to persuade us to join them. some of them were q well prepared and knew very well what they wanted to say or present, but, in all honesty, a couple or so of them were terrible. they were badly coordinated and were like erm-ing and ah-ing away. what kind of impression are they trying to make? it was OFF-PUTTING. UNAPPEALING. i'd have second thoughts about their youth group even if i want to join! i mean seriously, i'd think that they're disorganised/boring.


Paul gave us our $10 cds of confirmation mass. woohoo! loads of pictures in there, of people who don't and do matter. but at least it'll give a more accurate picture of the confirmation mass and not just photos of me and my friends and family right? and the cd is SO nice... really good for keeping. The archbishop, who was the celebrant of the mass, is like plastered over the cd in mid speech, taken during the homily.. and on top reads "I will never be the same again". ahh... wonderful memories of the cc4 camp we had.... that wonderful song. and at the bottom of the cd reads "Samantha Therese, be sealed with the gifts of the holy spirit". YEAH! totally framed that moment when the archbishop confirmed and sealed the holy spirit into me at confirmation mass. He's quite a cute figure actually... short short one. haha! oh and a seemingly respectable man too. The pictures of the mass itself was really good in the cd... very very grand-looking. wow. I will always remember confirmation.. until those memories fail me lah. lol.


oh wells. i'm not really feeling too good today. thats why i wore black i guess. but as the day progressed i realised my black mood was caused by different reasons at different times. of course, i'm not going to elaborate. however, interestingly enough, many many people wore black today. i was still wondering why when paul commented on it too and cited today's last day of class as the reason. quite true. I don't exactly feel sad or sorry that class has ended for good. in the past, if this had happened i'd have been more than glad and probably rejoiced over this "good news". but no. not now. probably because the class has bonded really well and everyone seems to be really nice caring people. you know, people who journey together with you in christ and teach you "true friendship" in life. and even though i have no relations whatsoever with the rest of the class other than my close friends, i see this goodness and fellowship out of cathecism class i guess. and after all, cath class has been somewhat of a dreaded routine for the whole of my secondary school life... well, dreaded until i found good friends, then it became ok... i mean i always ABSOLUTELY dread sharings and all, but yeah. the whole thing has become a part of my life. and anything that comes to an end leaves you with the aftertaste of maybe some regret? or maybe not regret. maybe.. just that unwillingness to part with that whole chunk of a cat class. okay, not exactly unwillingness either. its just the ENDING that kind of makes you sad.. i've had some fond memories, if not pain. The sad part of it all is that the trio of us has to part ways. its highly, almost-confirmed likely that we're joining different youth groups. while the two of them are joining choir, most probably, i'd be joining something else. maybe junior cats. because all other youth groups don't appeal to me.. but will i like the culture there? will i like the people? will i be able to fit in? will i enjoy myself? will i be able to manage my time with this youth group-- time for schoolwork/studies and time for junior cats? Its a very big unknown. just like when i decided to join Interact Club. i didn't know anybody there, my friends and the people i know were all joining Library, this horribly boring cca that i had no interest in. but i took the plunge because i thought that i wanted to pursue something which i had interest in, which is helping people i guess. The time at Interact? was painful. that is why, i'm having reservations about joining junior cats.. away from my friends, i'll have to make new ones to survive. and if i don't, can't fit in? then, i die, horribly there. on top of that, i realise that junior cats is all about GIVING.. all these 4 years i've been enjoying receiving from my cathecists, from the camps they organise and the time and effort put in by the facilitators. i don't know if i have a big enough heart to GIVE BACK, or will i just think of me, myself, the benefits i'll receive. definitely though, if you do God's work, you'll receive.. in a way. one other hing that i'm afraid and question is.... will i really be doing what god wants me to do? is this my true calling? i do not know. i fear the unknown. for now though, the focus has to be on my upcoming 'o' levels. and i'll just attend the junior cats briefing next sunday.. no harm. after my o levels, which spells "festive season", i'll decide where to go. maybe i'll have more positive thoughts then.


imagine..... when november/december comes, o levels would have been OVER and i'd be making my choice to join junior cats, having crossed that hurdle. but looking at it from here and now, o levels seems really big and intimidating.

life is quite painful sometimes. but i'm ETERNALLY VERY VERY GLAD to be born a catholic. like what my friend said, i could have been born a million other things but God planned all this out for us. it is such a blessing to know God, his love, and fellow brothers and sisters in christ.

thank you God for everything.. my circumstance, people around me and for having the priviledge of knowing you. :)